Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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