nut hugger
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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