If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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