So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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