God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
