its not stalking. its research.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
