these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
