he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
