i just had sex bonerless
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
