if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
