I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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