Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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