Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
