She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
