Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
