as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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