U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
