I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
