That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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