The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
