I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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