Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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