If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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