i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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