fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
