Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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