You smell like stripper and shame
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
