He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
