Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
