My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
