yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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