too bad you live with your parents still
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
