the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
