I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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