My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
