I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
