Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
