so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
