Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
