What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
