i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
