Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
