You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
