i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Couch. On fire.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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