Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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