then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
