i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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