Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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