I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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