I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
