so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
