Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
