You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
