I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
