Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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