Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize