We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I would fuck him just for his dog
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
