This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
