you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
