she woke up with a sticky ear
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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