but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Actions speak louder than pants.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
