I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
