OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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