i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This baby is an asshole
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
