I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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