Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have tasted many bathrooms
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
