wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
