I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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