Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
