Life is so much better after having sex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
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These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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