Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
