i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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