her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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