I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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